P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
