I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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