Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
