if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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