Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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