this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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