Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
