i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh god the rape fog is back!
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
