just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
