He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
