she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
