I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
