I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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