Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize