Where did you get a picture of my penis
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
