I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
