I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
