I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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