The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
