Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
