And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
