i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
