Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
