My first STD was from a foam party
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
