I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
