please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize