it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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