I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
