You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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