oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
