all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
