There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
