there's paper in my vomit.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize