Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
