Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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