Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
