I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
