I am puke
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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