just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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