He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize