How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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