i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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