I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
