I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
