You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
