My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
