I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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