Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All I want is dick and wine.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize