my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
