You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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