A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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