I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
