Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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