I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
