We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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