craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The adults are the big ones right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
