Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
