Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize