hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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