oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
