so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
