Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My dick has a subreddit
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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