Jerry, you need to find god
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
