Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Drunk is a universal language darling
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