you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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