Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
