she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
