at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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