I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
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