I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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