A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
