pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
