trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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