i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
