I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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