we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
