we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
