why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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