ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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