my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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