if i died would you start the facebook group?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
