I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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