you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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