i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
