Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
