Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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