I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize