Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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