I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
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