We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
And then he peed in my hair
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