Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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