I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
