plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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