it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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