I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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