He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
No subtext here. People are naked.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
