He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
