If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
