I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
