I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
