Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
