oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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